how to remember your mother & the few good times
it’s a cold and it’s a broken hallelujah—Leonard Cohen
howl hallelujah : google how to spell it
remember the song playing from the computer
your mother sat at all day long : alone
with hundreds of mp3s & a few chat rooms
hiding another secret : as she would do
her hand : annoyed : waving you away
—refocus on the songs she burned for you
compiled onto 4 CDs : she never felt closer
than hallelujah : drops of jupiter : fly me
to the moon : laughter : clipped but real
us : wild children singing : howling along
with the speakers : those songs : bittersweet
now unsolicited on the car radio : drumming
the steering wheel with your fingers : you hum
this is why i cry when we argue
i try to memorize your flesh : scars freckles toes
when i remind you to buckle up : so we can be safe
you joke each time : but you still buckle when i ask
i used to imagine worst case scenarios : all around me
i step in the elevator : the cable snaps : free fall
storms too strong : winds & floods : drag me under
now i imagine worst case scenarios : all around you
your precious head : smashed through windshield
the grief : you without me : me without you : i try
to memorize your flesh : unbroken alive : i won't leave
our home or go to sleep : without saying i love you
Bailey Grey is a bipolar software developer living in Virginia with her grumpy old cat. Her work has been published in Crab Fat Magazine, Dovecote Magazine, Ghost City Review, and Kissing Dynamite and she was a finalist for Sundog Lit's Summer Collaboration Contest (2019). She can be found on twitter @BaileyGWrites.