how to remember your mother & the few good times
it’s a cold and it’s a broken hallelujah—Leonard Cohen
howl hallelujah : google how to spell it remember the song playing from the computer your mother sat at all day long : alone with hundreds of mp3s & a few chat rooms hiding another secret : as she would do her hand : annoyed : waving you away —refocus on the songs she burned for you compiled onto 4 CDs : she never felt closer than hallelujah : drops of jupiter : fly me to the moon : laughter : clipped but real us : wild children singing : howling along with the speakers : those songs : bittersweet now unsolicited on the car radio : drumming the steering wheel with your fingers : you hum
this is why i cry when we argue
i try to memorize your flesh : scars freckles toes when i remind you to buckle up : so we can be safe you joke each time : but you still buckle when i ask i used to imagine worst case scenarios : all around me i step in the elevator : the cable snaps : free fall storms too strong : winds & floods : drag me under now i imagine worst case scenarios : all around you your precious head : smashed through windshield the grief : you without me : me without you : i try to memorize your flesh : unbroken alive : i won't leave our home or go to sleep : without saying i love you
Bailey Grey is a bipolar software developer living in Virginia with her grumpy old cat. Her work has been published in Crab Fat Magazine, Dovecote Magazine, Ghost City Review, and Kissing Dynamite and she was a finalist for Sundog Lit's Summer Collaboration Contest (2019). She can be found on twitter @BaileyGWrites.